Hey there, stranger! My English 1117 teacher gave me a prompt to write about and it made me really think about something I just went through. Please leave your comments behind and like and review. Thank you. The prompt was a Jamaica Kincaid quote:
The idea of something and its reality are often two completely different things … and so when they meet and find that they are not compatible, the weaker of the two, idea or reality, dies.
My mother and I were sitting in the office, filling paperwork when a few people popped in with the gym teacher. They were typical, rowdy teenage boys; plenty of which I had seen most of my life. However, as I looked closer, there was one whose demeanor caught my eye. He was quieter and listened to the people around him with a slight grin. I thought he was a junior and thus, as general high school hierarchy dictates, currently out of my league. So, I tore my eyes away from the boy whose appearance interested me and moved on. I spent the most of my first day, quietly observing my new classmates and teachers, most of whom were a predictable lot. Then, he walked into my math class, apologizing for running late since he just came from the student council meeting. He sat down in front of me, glancing back once and giving me a small smile. So, the mysterious nice guy from the day before; he was in my class!
He introduced himself and walked me to my next class, giving me a basic rundown of all that was in the school. I watched him, so comfortable in his skin, and thought it was because he had nothing to hide. He seemed so genuine in the beginning and so painfully honest, I wanted to better myself. The next day, he became my unofficial guide- he helped me set up my school account and walked me to my bus. I still don’t why he did all that for me, when he didn’t know me at all. Was he really a good guy? Then, it didn’t matter.
The next day, I took his bus to my dad’s restaurant, instead of heading home. He sat across from me and then I surprised him, with an explosion of personality, or ‘flavor’, as he jokingly termed it. We clicked in that moment, and our conversations never ended. Whenever we talked, it didn’t have uncomfortable silences. From the relative accuracy of the Deadpool movie to feminism to Beyonce’s newest album- there wasn’t anything we couldn’t talk about. As I got off the bus, after the first of those conversations, he called out my name and with a strange smile, told me that he never had met a girl like me. I laughed and replied I had met many guys like him, and jumped off the steps, with his laugh ringing in my ears.
Over the course of the next few days, every free moment we’d have, it’d be spent arguing and agreeing over things like our taste in music, comic books, people, concepts and from time to time, whenever I went off on a majorly annoyed discourse on why he was an idiot for believing something, I’d notice how he’d close his eyes and smile, enjoying the sound of my voice. People were watching us, though. Whenever sparks fly, people will try to reduce . So, after being there for a week, someone asked me if we were dating.
That caught me off guard; I definitely didn’t see it coming. I really didn’t want to sully the friendship I had managed to craft with him with rumors about what we had- he was beyond that, I believed. He was too good for all that. So, then, his ex-girlfriend and her friends broke everything down for me. They told me things about him, so many terrible things about him, that, if a reliable source had told me, would probably scare my pants off. After all this, they told me how he was. On the bus home, I asked him about it all, and he let me in. He told me what was true and what wasn’t. He told me about how his dad died and how his mom meant the world and back to him, how he cracked when his older brother was arrested on trumped charges, how he wasn’t perfect, but he was trying to become better and how he delved into not-so smart things and he stopped. His honesty was strangely refreshing, but I couldn’t give him my all. What if he was lying? I wasn’t as nice to him as I first was for the next few weeks, trying to distance myself with sarcasm. However, he figured me out and then, we had this almost-game of being bitingly sarcastic towards each other in place of our loud arguments in public, with smiles following our remarks, to soften the blows.
We grew closer, despite the sarcasm, the arguments and the occasional insult, so, it was natural that I would add him on Snapchat; so our conversations would never end. Throughout the day, we’d be around each other all day long, just talking. After school ended, we’d be sending each other silly pictures or videos. His ex girlfriend even gave up on trying to stop the momentum of our friendship. Quite often, whenever we weren’t throwing up walls around our emotions, he’d say how he really truly enjoyed talking to me because I was so ‘chill’, I never seemed to be judging anyone, and most importantly, I seemed to be the type that gave everyone the space they needed to make their own decisions. How often he told me I was unlike any girl he had ever met before!
So, school closed, but he urged me to come to summer school and take engineering with him. I did, after much begging, and I saw him in his element, tinkering around with little wires and my heart melted for him, watching him concentrate so hard. The sarcasm ended there; and then after a week, he didn’t come back for summer school, because he had gone on vacation. I felt ditched; and told him about that. So, he called me every single night, to tell me all about his day. The phone conversations were almost as fun as talking to him in real life, so we made plans to meet up when he came back.
One night, however, when I came home, and plugged my phone into the charger, I noticed that he had posted something on his Story- which he never did. It was a video from a week before of him and one of our classmates, sitting in his car, acting like fools. Sitting on the floor, I watched him act like a total idiot, with a smile on my face, planning to tease the hell out of him. Then, at the very end, I saw him do something strange. I replayed the entire Story to make sure that it was that. The one thing he had sworn to never do again…This happened a week ago? He was telling me the day before that he only did it once. He lied to me! As I lay on my side, I was jarred by the realization that my closest friend here, lied about one major thing and continued lying about it throughout. That when I thought he was good and honest and believable…he just wasn’t. That he didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me
I suddenly felt cold to the bone and I asked him, hoping he’d tell me I was wrong. I was right and I tried to remain nonchalant, like he thought I was, but I couldn’t. I cared too much for him. So, I said it nicely; that I wasn’t okay with what he was doing- and he told me that he was still the same guy, that he had been doing it for years. That stung even more, so I became colder and told him that we wouldn’t work out if he continued like that. He disappeared for a few minutes, and then returned as passive-aggressive as I was, telling me that he agreed, and it pained him to note that I wasn’t the girl he thought I was. I agreed with that, and with our goodbyes said, he blocked me. Isn’t it crazy how easily we can cut someone off?
So, we made peace, but we’ve lost the fun that we had in our conversations. I think that was mostly because we both had a certain image of the other; a beautiful idea, that the other was the perfect person that we had been searching for all our lives. When we were confronted with the terrible truth that it was all in our heads, we just couldn’t deal with each other the way we used to, without being filled with bitter disappointment. Our trust in each other’s persona’s was lost for good- any chance we had with each other self-sabotaged, by our reluctance to change. What next for us? I don’t know.
Alright, that was long, wasn’t it? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to finish it. This blog is a way for me to vent my emotions out. I really, truly cared for this guy and my heart hurts seeing what he did. But, I’d like your input!